You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she peed on how many people?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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