sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
love makes seman taste better
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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