So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
