your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
