just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
