I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
