This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I could fuck to npr.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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