i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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