this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
