Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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