So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
