I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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