Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
