just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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