I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
