God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
