She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize