Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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