Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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