my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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