i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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