To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
