i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
