I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
