Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
