grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
