I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize