im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
