FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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