Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
