If i come over, it means nothing
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
