Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
