I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
