shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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