Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
