I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
