.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
