Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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