The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
