Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can I color on your dick again?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
