Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wish there were birth control emojis
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
