who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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