I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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