he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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