She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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