just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
