I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
