3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
