I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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