dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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