I'm gonna have a badass scar
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
