Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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