Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
