i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
