i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
