I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
