i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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