wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
