Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
