Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
