The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
