I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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