he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
