Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
